Does anybody know, is there a federal incentive program for hiring lizards? Like, you get a styphon check or something? Yeah, I didn’t think so… As ConfuseReviews.com’s human resources manager, I get certain perks that the other employees neither receive nor know about. For example, I have one of those desktop name plaques. I don’t [...]

What can you really get for free anymore, confusionauts? Hari Krishna pamphlets? A drink from the garden hose? Second hand smoke? Really, the only thing worth having that’s free anymore is a glance at a beautiful woman or a handful of breadcrumbs… if you’re a duck. Pretty girls and duck food. And really, women are [...]

I’m sure everybody’s heard the old adage “curiosity killed the cat” before, but it wasn’t until recently that I found that it could be a practical piece of advice. The other day, I happened across a movie called Teenape Goes to Camp, and it immediately set off my ‘idiotic title sense’. I had almost disregarded [...]

When was the last time you counted your blessings, confusionauts? I’d say its been a solid decade since I last counted mine- I tend to avoid it as long as possible. Unlike most people who count their blessings, I’m mathematically savvy, you see. I know about negative numbers and subtraction. It defeats the pep-talk properties [...]