‘Twas the night before Tuesday, and all cross my desk

Was a pile marked “to do” with none done, I’ll confess.

The forms were all stacked with precarious height

In hopes that they’d just disappear in the night.

And I in my green jeans and shirt fashioned tropic

Had just given up on today’s update topic.

When out on the lawn there arose such a strummin’

To the window I walked (wasn’t really worth runnin’)

And what should my sleep deprived blood-shot eyes see

But the world’s greatest hero, with ukelele!

And a sack full of randomness: yoyos, tamales

bongos and vikings and TELLY SAVAAAAALLLAAAAAAAAS!

And I heard him exclaim as I clicked him with glee

“Merry FUCK YEAH to all, and WHO LOVES YA, BABY!?”

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This installment’s random wiki article sampler contains…

23rd Bomb Sqadron- It’s good to know that out there, somewhere (in North Dakota), there’s a crack-shot team of pilots waiting to defend our great nation in goofy looking planes. Apparently the 23rd have been fightin’ since World War One, which seems weird since I didn’t know they made bomber biplanes. Oh well, bunch of stuff about types of planes, bla bla bla… whoah!

It was during the squadron’s stay in Hawaii that the event signified by the squadron patch took place. On Dec. 27, 1935, the Mauna Lau volcano on the island of Hawaii erupted, threatening the city of Hilo. Six Keystones of the 23d used precision bombing tactics to drop twenty 600-pound bombs in the path of the volcano’s lava flow, thus saving the city of Hilo by diverting the lava away from the city.

That has got to be made up. No way does crazy-ass Pilotwings mission shit like this actually happen in real life. How in the hell do you even save a city by bombing a volcano? That’s like putting out a forest fire with an atom bomb- yeah, I bet it would work, but you seem to have missed the point of the operation. If my skepticism seems unfounded, look at these guys’ squadron patch. I’m sorry, but a big unorganized mismatch of bombs going wherever does not say “precision bombing tactics” to me. It says “oh shit, the mountain where we store all our bombs and giant popcorn pieces exploded and now they’re tumbling through the air at us”. A better logo to go with this image is “FUUUUUUUUCK”.

Perimeter Fence- Uh… wow, that sure is interesting, Wikipedia. A perimeter fence is a fence that… outlines a perimeter. They’re made of bars and wire mesh that cris-crosses to… must stay awake… must finish… article…

The best thing about Perimeter Fence is that somebody wants this page to cite its sources better. It needs footnotes to make sure that nobody is violating a copyright. You know, whoever owns the copyright on the definition of fences. Lord Fencelyshire or whoever invented them, I don’t know. No, that’s okay, Wikipedia, I’d rather not help out by expanding this article. I really wouldn’t know where to begin.

Danger Triangle of the Face- Oh wow, Syd’s whiney downer emo-prog band has their own wiki page? They’re really moving up in the world… oh, this article is about some medical thing. Apparently the mouth and nose are deviously good places for infections to get in. Well, that makes sense, seeing as the blood/brain barrier and what with the capillaries… or, really just because that’s where stuff goes in your head. Way to give an awesome kung-fu name to a really mundane non-fact, medical science. Then again maybe this article IS about Syd’s band, that IS their first album cover in the sample image (the back cover I believe is Syd and two other guys sitting on a brick wall by some railroad tracks).

Wu Chang-shih- A short, concise, unembellished article about a sumi painter. How weirdly fitting.

Give it 2 ‘Em Raw- Speaking of album covers, check out this train wreck. Apparently “Soulja Slim” accomplished so much in his life that all we can really say about this album is “he was buried in that outfit”. Oh rappers, you so crazy.

So was he just buried in those clothes, or is Soulja Slim also entombed with a bunch of random stock photography of soldiers and planes and junk too? I’m sorry, but unless you’re the Wu-Tang clan, your album is not allowed to look like the cover of a fifty-pack of shitty movies you got at Best Buy for eight dollars.

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So, patches and album covers and sumi paintings- I must have graphic design on the brain. On a completely unrelated note, c’mon Dumfy, time to go buy you a Halloween costume.