Step right up, come one come all! Welcome to ConfuseReviews.com, a lush little green island of reasonably intelligent humor in the endless sea of electronic dumb that is the internet. If you’re reading this, then you’re new here, and it’s our pleasure to have you aboard! Set sail for hilariousness! We realize that previously in this paragraph the website was an island, but now the metaphor seems to be considering it a boat; and yet we wrote it anyway! That’s just how we roll!

Feel free to peruse the many articles ConfuseReviews staff writers have penned over the years- everything we write is archived and waiting to be sampled by YOU! Yes, YOU! IN CAPITAL LETTERS!!! That’s how much we want YOU to enjoy our many musings, reviewsings, etc. and so forth. From straight-to-DVD movies that obviously cost eight dollars to make to the worst science fiction paperback books ever published, from bachelor foods that should not be ingested by anyone to CDs, TV commercials, websites, candy corn and sex robots from the future, nothing is sacred here- it’s all ripe for ridicule! So start perusing our musings- I recommend everything on the menu! Okay, so… apparently we’re a restaurant now… whatever…

If you like what you see here at ConfuseReviews, be sure to check back regularly- the site is constantly being updated with new material! When a whole new article isn’t forthcoming, there’s usually one of our delightful Word On the Street updates, where a staff writer quips on any and all aspects of this bizarre world around us. On Fridays, the Word on the Street becomes NES Rom Friday, where we delve into the pixelated gooey awfulness of another 8-bit atrocity from the ancient past. Sundays feature our AdVsAd reviews, where the strangest and most bewildering samples of advertising from any and all mediums undergo our scrutiny.

And speaking of bewildering advertising, if you’re more attuned to the “cute animals saying funny stuff” part of the internet, don’t you worry! We gotcha covered, with our very own officially adorable ConfuseReviews.com mascots!

You can tell who wrote a given update or what kind it will be simply by observing which precocious caiman is gracing the front page in a given day- Confy, Dumfy, Radley, Nurfy, Spiffy, Doc or Baxter Bones! (Editor’s note- Baxter Bones is no longer affiliated with ConfuseReviews.com).

A little confused at this point? Well, don’t worry- all you really need to do is enjoy our offerings of article and update goodness every week! As I said, we archive EVERYTHING- there’s miles and miles of ConfuseReviews goodness here for you to enjoy already, and more to come! And if you want to join the fray, feel free to join our forums and try out for a slot in the exclusive ConfuseReviews writing staff! It’s not exclusive at all! Why would I say that!?

So welcome aboard, new Confusionaut recruits! Set coordinates for laughter! (aaaand now we’re a spaceship apparently. What the fuck?)